Reflection : Old Blog Entry

Since I'm still in the state of wasteful emotion, let me share with you (whoever you are) one of the entry I posted in my old blog 2 years ago.

=========================================
22 March 2005

Dilemma : Need Career Counseling

My system analyst and senior programmer (so called supervisor) are on all-day meeting so I'm just relaxing and chatting with friends via email. The company blocked everything from download to hotmail to instant messenger. Sad eh. But i managed to get the admin password to allow myself to download stuffs on my PC...just that i don't want to take the risk on downloading messenger. Some more the connection speed is comparable to the speed of baby snail...

Lunch time : My lunch partner is on leave so I don't feel like going to the pantry. I had my lunch here in my little messy cubicle...nyammy mommy-made nasi goreng. Wish my mom will retire soon so she can relax and enjoy spending her golden years at home. But she's the workaholic type of person. She'll be restless staying home without doing anything except sitting in front of PC chatting, playing Dynomite, BookWorm and some the other Yahoo! games. Yup! that's my mom...she's the one who introduced me to Internet...taught me how to chat and showed me that I was meant to be in IT rather than Accounting (I used to studied and working in accounting line before changing my path to IT).

Still no task to do at the moment. Just queried some programs and seems like all are running smoothly. I thought the main function of a programmer is to write programs...but not here in banking industry. Although you need to understand the systems’ coding, most of your time will be on supporting the existing systems rather than developing or amending system applications. Doing PSS is not what I was expecting before accepting this job. I am really into programming and system development especially in Java and it is my objective to be a fluent software developer in 5 years time. Guess I just need to be patient and set in mind that I’m in the phase of gripping the base to gain working experience and recommendations.

I discussed this matter with one of my friend but he made me wonder with his questions:

“You want to be a software developers…so what are you doing in a banking company that already have their own software and they also use third party to develop the software for them?” – which is very true indeed

“You want to do programming but you did not practice on how to programs. So you won’t have the programming skills/experience that your next employer expects you to have. Can you see yourself fit in to be accepted by software company?” – again this is true.

At the moment I’m on 6 months trainee contract and after this they will renew the contract to 2-years bond contract. Since I've started supporting the system, the contract continuance is already in my hand. Just that if I were to accept this offer, I’ll be stuck in banking IT world. There’ll be little hope to change my career to other industry and I might have to alter my career objective.

My my I need professional counseling!!!! Wish someone would read this and give me advice…

posted by Honey AJ @ 2:46 PM 0 comments
=========================================

I can't believe after 2 years I am still having the same dilemma...and like dejavu it happen again in this lifetime...Now! Today!! I guess I don't need professional counseling. What I need is a personal SHRINK!!! Wait a minute...I have a friend who will be completing her Masters in Psychology next year and my cousin Aini is going to study psychology soon. Maybe I'll wait for them to complete their study...perhaps I will still have this same personal issue in another 2 years time...They'll come in handy ehh...WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? I have to resolve this problem NOW!!! I may not have tomorrow!!! Arghhhh...are you a SHRINK? I need you!! Well okay I'll use the proper term....are you a therapist/psychiatrist/councellor? Reach me by leaving a comment or mail me...I can't affort an expensive session so unless you feel like your service is a social obligation I just thank you but no thank you...