Sunday, October 7, 2007

Reflection : Old Blog Entry 2

Reflecting past and present for future
19 March 2005

Been thinking alot lately...about where I'm heading towards this life...how I want my future to be and what have I done that lead me to live this path I'm currently passing through. I've changed my directions so many times before. Now when I am ready to settled down, voices inside my head is trying to confuse me again like before...kinda "inner enemy" within oneself that either make you or break you.

I've been waiting all my life to be in the state where I am at the moment. Started the job I was looking for with the company I trust would lift me up profesionally...yet i feel so empty inside. Start work in early morning, staring at computer screen all day while knocking the keyboard in rhythms, little communication with team-mates (coz I don't speak chinese), and then come home in late evening. Life goes in loops for 5 days. Weekend seems like a day only. Will this be what I wanna do for the next 2 years (gonna renew the 2 years contract in June) or should I allow the "inner enemy" to shift my path again? But where to go? It gonna be the same loop no matter where I settle in the career world. Well most people lead the same life and still looking strong why can't I?!!.

Me....mumbling to myself about this in the wee hours....gheee....get a life dear. Thank goodness its saturday...miss my student life so badly...Ok gonna stop now or I'll go on and on writing pointless shit...

posted by Honey AJ @ 6:20 AM 0 comments

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Looking back at this entry flashes the current state of my life. Still thinking about where I'm heading towards this life. Why can't I get over this and move on. Live life that was shown to me? Why I am still desperate looking for something that might not be part of me? Am I forcing myself too hard? I don't think so. Maybe that's the answer. I'm not pushing myself hard enough to get what I want.
OK...I'm pushing...pushing...pushing...duhhhhhh!!! No wonder...I'm too heavy even to push my lazy bums myself. There's only 1 solution....yepp....I can see the light bulb on my head!!!

I'll try that one first and let you guys know if its work. Can't say it now or it wont work.

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